Always On My Mind / Mom and Dad

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Adjusting to Accomodating

So I went to a grief counselor at our local Hospice. What a trip.

Now don't get me wrong. I was in therapy for a goodly number of years with a talented and compassionate professional. So I've been there, looked in all my closets, and have a grip on what's fixed and what still needs work.

This woman was a fix-your-grief wanna-be. Think of every trite saying about death you can come up with. Apply them during moments when the other person is as vulnerable as possible. Make general statements like "you need goals." (Oh!) Act like you're better than the person you're talking to, like you are class and they are crap. Suggest they leave key people in their lives. Now you've got "grief therapy" at Hospice.

So the long-run lesson is this: I have to deal with it myself. I have to get all the old stuff out of my head and start looking forward before there is no more forward to look toward.

That's too bad. I was hoping for an easy out.

Grief and Family

It's not only the grief over losing the person you loved/still love. It's the family hurricane after. It's a craziness that intensifies the loss and I wish to hell it would stop.

Here's the message to the one person who's making it happen. You're the grinch who stole Christmas, who kept every single crumb, every item of sentimental value, and you've got your hand out for more. That kind of selfishness is pathetic. We were all their children, not just you.

I'm done. It's over. I'd be sad about that, too, but it's hard to miss a bottomless pit.

The Hard Truth

After the sadness, after the pain
I thought I'd be free
I thought the echo of you in my mind
Would fade

I imagined liberation
I imagined your approval
I imagined silence in my head

You put a bridle on my mind
When I was small....
I wear it still.